Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
