how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
