He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize