i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
