I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
