I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
