And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
