Your face is a jimmy john
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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