fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
