somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
