Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
