You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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