I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
