Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Are we still banned from the library?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize