I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
