If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
