you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
