Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize