So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
did you just send me my own nude
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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