I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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