i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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