its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
