I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
