Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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