I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
