i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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