I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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