my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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