i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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