I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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