She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
