Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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