oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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