Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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