Where did you get a picture of my penis
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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