Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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