Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
