My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sober January is a disaster.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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