you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
