I'm gonna have a badass scar
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
