let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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