Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
