Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
