dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
