I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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