Where is the hickey?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I would ride that face into the sunset
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize