Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
