I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i think i have two assholes
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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