My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
