WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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