alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize