Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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