oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
