No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
