It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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