wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize