The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
