We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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