You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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