You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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