just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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