Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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