6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
