that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize