So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
