Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
