So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
