am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
