We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
