you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
