There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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