I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
