RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
