youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
