Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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