I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
