I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
