He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i dont even know how to be here
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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