"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Randomize
