saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
