Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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