Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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