Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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