It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
