i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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