so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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