who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
as a side note pls kill me
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