dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Too much gin, very little bucket
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm always down for nudity.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
