I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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