You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
