is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
