Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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