I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize