Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
